Feeling fat ….. With reason!!

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THE REASON …

So I’ve struggled since my last post to write anything positive because I’ve been struggling to get out the door … why??? ,… The answer is simply BABIES!!!! So not long after my last post I discovered I was pregnant …. We had been trying and we were over the moon! So my pregnancy plan always was ….. I’m going to run till as far as I can ….. Hopefully doing parkrun the day I go into labour!!

Unfortunately …… it wasn’t going to be as simple as that!! I started spotting on and off (sorry for the too much info) and then had some bleeding after a gym session (a pregnancy specific session with a personal trainer) and I was sent for some scans!!! To cut a long story short over 4 weeks I had 3 scans which ended in miscarriage on Dec 22nd!! The point to this blog isn’t about the miscarriage ….. Although I was (and still am) devastated, over the period of 10 weeks I was so nervous of what damage running would do to the baby!! Even though all the research says I could continue ….. because I was having the spotting I just felt that I shouldn’t be pushing it ….. SO….. I gained 12 pounds!! OUCH!!!

Since losing the initial 3 stone I swore I would never go over 10 stone again …. And now I’ve found myself at almost 11!!!

The photo above was taking on my New Years parkrun …. It’s a half decent photo but I can’t help but notice the belly wobble …. When compared to my wolf run photo in November …..

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12 pound gain may not be a lot to some but on my 5ft 3 frame it appears to make a huge difference!!

SO WHAT???

Well I guess there isn’t much point to this post! So I’ve gained weight ….. Big deal eh?? no!!!. To me it is a big deal ….. I feel wobbly….. My clothes don’t fit right …. My skin looks dull ….. And to be honest …. 12 pounds is a lot of extra weight to be carrying on a run …., and boy do I feel it!!

I suppose what I want to say is that running didn’t cause my miscarriage …. Neither did the gym session!! My doctor assured my that I could have continued running through those spotting days and the outcome would not have changed because the baby just didn’t have the right genetics to grow!! For once in my running life I was put off of my hobby rather than it being my saviour during stress!! And now I’m struggling with confidence to go out …. I’ve had to make tim come to the park I’m running to walk the dog whilst I run …. Just so I know he’s there incase I fail!! I even took him to my parkrun on New Year’s Day to watch because I was convinced I was going to have to give up halfway!!

This whole year I have thought I was invincible!! I got PB after PB, I was getting quicker and quicker! I had all the confidence in the world and I took for granted how easy that Could disappear with an unfortunate simple life event!!

So tonight I’ve got my act together!! I’ve eaten my last bit of chocolate!! I’ve drank my last cappuccino and bread is off the menu!!

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The shopping is done for a 2 week eating clean menu plan and my training plan is downloaded and started!!

I may have been out for a few weeks …. But it’s back on …. After all …, I need to be fit and healthy for when the next baby faz actually wants to grow!!!

Keep going people …. When life throws you challenges …. It’s only because you have the strength to get through!!!

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